Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
