You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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