Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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