but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
