I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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