my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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