Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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