Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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