Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't turn off my feet"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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