You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
