i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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