I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
