Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
