....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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