anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
