You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
