I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
