Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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