Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
