It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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