Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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