I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
