yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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