girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
