So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
3pm strippers are depressing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants