And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”