Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!