I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
