I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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