I met the friendliest cop last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We're too hungover to prance.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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