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Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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