So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'