Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

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  (617): So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/bxwf
  Replies (13) Good night (2791) Bad night (738)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Deal!

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  (515): You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit. (1-515): Deal! http://tfl.nu/vj0b
  Replies (20) Good night (7787) Bad night (552)
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  (949): View more from California

  It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth

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  (949): It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth http://tfl.nu/i6ri
  Replies (8) Good night (605) Bad night (3635)
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  (818): View more from California

  ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?

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  (818): ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!? http://tfl.nu/yk7e
  Replies (19) Good night (622) Bad night (4797)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat

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  (917): So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat http://tfl.nu/4q7b
  Replies (9) Good night (775) Bad night (5776)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..

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  (239): I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high.. http://tfl.nu/0y5k
  Replies (19) Good night (5103) Bad night (1125)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

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  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8738) Bad night (933)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.

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  (440): basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out. http://tfl.nu/kbtu
  Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (2667)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

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  (267): i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget http://tfl.nu/82kf
  Replies (8) Good night (2352) Bad night (941)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.

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  (662): Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/exim
  Replies (6) Good night (2709) Bad night (938)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.

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  (812): I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me. http://tfl.nu/jath
  Replies (6) Good night (3109) Bad night (802)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

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  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1796) Bad night (547)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!

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  (904): I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms! http://tfl.nu/g8iv
  Replies (3) Good night (1021) Bad night (623)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs

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  (847): They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs http://tfl.nu/t67m
  Replies (3) Good night (713) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  the boozy kind. is there any other?

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  (508): alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having? (1-508): the boozy kind. is there any other? http://tfl.nu/b6l8
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (234)

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