So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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