I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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