Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
