my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
