How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
