Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
