well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
