so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
