babies were throwing up all over the place
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
