unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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