Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
