did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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