Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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