toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
