I forgot how hot balto sounded
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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