Already got asked if we're dating
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
