When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
