Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
