toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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