Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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