I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
