omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to sanitize my soul.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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