My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
