He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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