She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
