Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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