It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
