You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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