I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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