Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
