Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
