after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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