I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
