tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
