Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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