He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
