I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is wine microwaveable?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Will exercising make me less horny?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
