he puts the penis in happiness.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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